Monday, December 28, 2009

The Joyous Pain of Parenting

The end of the year being about reflection and renewal, this post is not about social media, or marketing, or small business. We'll get back to ROI, strategy and new media soon enough. This is about me and my family, and winter break. Perhaps you'll find a bit of yourself here.


I have found leaving my children at school to be the most excruciating element of parenting.



Only now, as I approach 40, do I understand my mother’s unrelenting demand for academic excellence while lamenting, “I hate school. It takes babies away from their mothers.”

Only now do I understand my father’s nightly dinnertime drill about my whereabouts, companions and lessons learned during prior hours; and his requirement that some degree of satisfactory response be delivered before the conversation dropped.

The experience of separating from one’s children on a daily basis is one to which one grows increasingly but perhaps never fully accustomed. The act of steeling oneself against emotions when dropping off a three-year-old at daycare is effortlessly forgotten by the time the habit has formed of viewing the back of her waving hand disappear into the current of pedestrian egress from the car drop-off line.

We spend winter breaks coordinating schedules with family members and business partners to account for safeguarding and entertaining our children, moving from logistic to logistic and insuring that the basics are covered; that our charges are each maintained satisfactorily and sufficient overlap among schedules exists. We decorate, attend parties and events, send cards, swap presents and shop. We stay on the move. We assure and comfort clients and partners that in a very short time, the holidays will end, our kids will all be back in school and some normalcy can return to the precious, precious schedules that govern our pursuits of profit and productivity.

Today, with one week remaining in winter break, my daughter’s teacher sent this video. It is a brief, light collection of snapshots, I’m sure delivered to parents with a goal of reassurance. “Here’s what your kids are up to when you leave them in our care. See? All is well, they’re doing great. You can feel fine about bringing them back in January.” Maybe we can show it to the kids to get them eager to return to school. Santa’s not coming back for a whole year, may as well go hang out with your friends, right? And where are they? At school.

Your kid is not in the video so to you it is but another slide montage put to music. My beautiful and talented wife happens to count the school among her clients, and so she is frequently on site. She practically narrated the piece while we watched. I, on the other hand, could not speak at all.

For me, watching the video was an intensely bittersweet experience. It demonstrates to me that my daughter is socially astute and has overcome separation anxiety, that she can thrive in this environment. It reminds me that the ultimate reward of my parenting efforts is absolute assurance that with each passing day, she needs me less.

Perhaps, when she reaches my age, she will understand why her mother and I answer questions about homework problems only with more questions, why the TV cannot be turned on until schoolwork is complete, why the daily requirement of discussing “three things that happened to me at school today” with Dad before dinner is done is so constant and inflexible.

For now, I will watch the video again and push the moisture from my eyes. Our family will enjoy what remains of winter break together. And with each day, as she grows increasingly independent, I will pray for her to know, someday, the unequaled joy that comes only from the daily heartbreak of kissing her children goodbye.