Here’s a little personal “share” with an “ask” or two at the end.
Somewhere between the ages of 7 and 17 I got to where I hated clutter.
I’m not to the point of being OC, I don’t think, but I am “If in doubt, throw it out.” If I’ve been holding on to something thinking that a use for it, or a person with a use for it, will come along, and it’s been a while and that hasn’t happened, it goes to the curb with a “free” sign, out with the trash or to charity.
Ironically, I sometimes keep a messy desk. While I prefer it neat and organized, moving forward on specific deadlines and focusing on what’s possible frequently pushes filing and recycling down the priority list. With me, there’s merit to the notion that one’s outward appearance is an indicator of one’s inner state of mind, so eventually I have to set aside time to clean and organize. I find the organization of physical things helps immensely to clear the virtual clutter in my head.
As we age, life reveals shades of grey. Nine years ago my wife and I started having children. It turns out that I don’t “hate” stuff in the middle of the floor, I just “dislike” it. My love for my children, my intense desire for them to be happy during their days provides tolerance for what strikes me first as “clutter.”
Internet social networks provide a new type of “clutter,” and I think I’ve decided to change the way I deal with it. I’m talking about “friend” or “connection” requests.
Not everyone uses Facebook and/or LinkedIn, for example, the same way. In my forthcoming Ebook and current lecture topic, The Social Network Compass, I talk about a number of concepts including the choices people make about their use and presence on Internet social networks: Personal/Professional, Inclusive/Selective.
Some people join Facebook for the sole purpose of sharing pictures of their grandchildren with a single party. Others seek purely business-oriented connections with anyone who will have them. Most of us land somewhere in between, we’re a lot or a little of all of the above. There’s no “right” answer; the question isn’t black versus white.
Some time ago, about Year 4 B.F. (Before Facebook), I took an open, “inclusive” stance toward connecting on LinkedIn. It opened my professional network and provided collaborative and fruitful business development opportunities. It also opened my network to a guy who spammed and scammed everyone about bogus real estate deals. I’m accountable for that. No matter how hard I scrub I can’t seem to rid myself of the stench. I’m sure everyone’s forgiven me but me, but that’s conversational fodder for me and a therapist. Onward, to the point.
The fact that I do post pictures of my kids on Facebook for the benefit of their grandmother in Texas, that I talk smack with friends whose emotional ties are to sports teams inferior to my favorites, dictates, for me, that I have to be more selective on Facebook than on LinkedIn. (On LinkedIn, I’m all business. And so should you be. Culture.)
Settings, yes, I know. I coach on them, their importance and their optimization. Still, it’s not the end-all. Depending on nascent technologies and hackable networks to protect your identity is a house of cards.
So, a couple of things here: When you get an email from me, the autosignature has a link to my LinkedIn profile…and not to my personal profile on Facebook. I think the culture of Facebook dictates that the social capital required to talk business is earned through the sharing of your human side; it makes me more likely to feel comfortable doing business with you. Is this a hard and fast “policy?” No. Somewhat arbitrary, even, perhaps. Shades of grey.
Here’s an area, though, where the contrast is beginning to show. Currently, I have a couple dozen “friend” requests on Facebook to which I have not responded. Reasons:
- I have not met or do not remember the requestor, and
- The requestor has not accompanied the request with a note on how we might know each other, work together in the future or use the connection toward a specific goal or objective.
I am not an introvert. I get out. I meet lots of people. I excel at introducing power partners to each other. So, despite the fact that many of these people have “mutual friends” with me, belong to the same professional organization(s) I do, etc., the answers to 1 and 2 above are assumptions. When I assume, my network can get spammed. I’m accountable for that.
I’ve rejected requests for which such commonalities do not avail but kept these couple dozen around, figuring that eventually, based on the fact that we run in the same crowds, we’ll meet. That said, for thesee couple dozen, it’s been a while and no such meeting has occurred.
Not all of my “friends” have the same connection criteria I do. That’s fine. They’re more inclusive. I respect that. I may move in that direction. For now, though, these requests have become clutter. I think I’m going to put them in a box and take that box to the curb. The man comes early next Monday.
Terribly sorry if this offends.
In the future, if you’d like to avoid people like me treating you like this, I respectfully urge you to, when making a “friend” request (or a “connection” request on LinkedIn), take a moment to click that little link that says, “Add a personal message,” and make plain your intent. Chances are you’re a lovely person and an expert in your field. If so, a brief, meaningful exchange will illuminate mutual opportunities.
So that’s “ask” #1: Please let me know who you are. I genuinely like most people I meet in person, online, otherwise. But I’m not given to random, anonymous connections. Accountable.
“Ask” #2: Your reaction. Where do you set on the continuum? Are you with me? Am I totally flippin’ crazy or maybe just think a little too much? What’s your experience here? If you don’t “add a personal message,” why not?
If we keep thinking and communicating, we’ll crack this nut. Thanks.
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